Thursday, July 1, 2010

death

i never meant to start blogging with the title death...but yesterday my mom called to tell me that my biological dad is dying due to cancer.no news on the specific type of cancer though.
u see my parents divorced when i was 6.i hardly knew him before i moved to kl.back then i was just a little girl growing up in tanjung piandang perak.a small fishing village is how u can describe the place.my biological father was a headmaster for a secondary school.news of the divorce shook the town with 2 different factions rooting for either my biological father or my mom.
then i moved to kl and my mom remarried.i only know my stepfather as my father.
i am numb..i don't know how to react to the news..i don't know him except for 1 letter he wrote to me when i asked him for permission to marry and asked him whether he would like to perform his fatherly duty as the wali.but he declined.
he wasn't there when i entered primary school.he wasn't there when i sat for UPSR.he wasn't there when i entered secondary school.he wasn't there when i sat for O-levels.he wasn't there when i attended my prom.he wasn't there when i sat for A-levels.he wasn't there when i decided to study law.he wasn't there when i graduated.he wasn't there for my wedding.he wasn't there when i gave birth to mia.
despite moving to kl i remained very close to my childhood nanny and her husband who would do the odd jobs when we were living in tanjung piandang.last year her husband died.i attended the funeral.after i parked the car and walked to the deceased's house,my biological father walked past me.he didn't say hello or even recognise me.sometimes i wonder whether he knows my name.
my mother asked me to forgive and forget and visit him if i wanted to.but i shall decline.

4 comments:

  1. am sorry to hear your situation.. I guess just because you're related by blood doesn't mean that you can have any feelings for him.. especially since it sounds like he was totally absent from your life..

    In the end maybe it might be and idea to just treat him as you would any stranger in distress.. a little compassion might not be so bad.. at least when he finally moves on you'll know that you have no regrets..

    Am totally not equipped to give opinions on such things because I cannot imageine what it must have been like for you.. was just compelled to comment..

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  2. thanks hidayah for yr comment.i appreciate it.

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  3. i just nvr thought that any father wld decline the opportunity to be their own daughter's wali. i wld feel extremeley hurt in such situation, as if my own father has disowned me. but perhaps he has his own reason.

    he must have love the new wife so much, to make u guys call her as emak and saying hurtful things about your real emak.

    i hope it is all worth it (for him). i hope the new wife is taking good care of him (if she's all that worthy) as well as his new breed.

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  4. hi anonymous.u see my own mom came from kuala lumpur(from a very affluent family) and back then in tanjung piandang the people viewed her as different.she didn't know how to cook kampung style ie using the old fashioned method.she was used to having maids.so arriving in tanjung piandang after she got married was a shock to her system.but she plodded along even with the bad treatment she received from her MIL.so in the end MIL asked my dad to divorce my mom and marry someone local or else she won't halalkan her "breast milk" she fed my dad!but of course at the same time my dad was having the affair with the secretary lah.

    but u know what,after my dad divorced my mom,the new wife didn't want the MIL to stay with them!up till now the MIL not allowed to stay with them eventhough she's old and frail.and the new wife hates my dad's siblings and the siblings were not told that he is dying.

    my dad has daughters with the new wife.so my brother said that after he's dead they will have to seek his permission to marry.and he said he will make sure it will be equally hard for them to get married just like our dad did to us.revenge is sweet!

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